Again with the stupidity!

I have everything figured out. Dogs, they aren't really as big as they look. Infact, a dogs conscienceness is really just a small man in the controls room of their body. And spider plants, They come from another planet. They're a type of parasite that break off and cling to ones head, sending their roots into ones brain and controlling the movement of the body. Luckily for us, they cant move on our planet, as it is spinning to fast. And salt, ah yes salt, you may use it to season your food, but it does much more then that. Its really a bunch of tiny tranpeasists. Which is why, if you put salt on a hot frying pan, it jumps so high. They are just trying to avoid the heat. Then there's grass, those dirty rotten green blades, they'll be our downfall, I mean, look around outside, you cant find many places void of grass. Grass is a single conscienceness that, in due time, will take over the world if nothing is done. Just name something, anything, I will be glad to tell you what it really is.